Jack and Jill went up the hill
to fetch pail of water;
Jack fell down and broke his crown,
And Jill came tumbling after.
There was a Prince named Jack and a Princess named Jill in the land of Elmer where there was a scarce supply of water. There was a scare supply of water because there hadn't been rain in the land of Elmer for 180 nights. Everything in the land of Elmer looked sickly. The plants lost their green lushious leaves and the grass turned auburn brown. The trees that once had fruit just had the dead limbs because the trees were so thirsty.
Not only was the plant life in the land of Elmer sickly. The flu was also going around Elmer. The land of Elmer caught a strand of flu that was very tough to handle. It was taking the young and the elderly very fast. Doctors in the land of Elmer were having a hard time keeping the flu shot on hand because there was also a shortage of flu shots as well. The shortage of water wasn't helping the ones that were sick either.
Not only was the plant life in the land of Elmer sickly. The flu was also going around Elmer. The land of Elmer caught a strand of flu that was very tough to handle. It was taking the young and the elderly very fast. Doctors in the land of Elmer were having a hard time keeping the flu shot on hand because there was also a shortage of flu shots as well. The shortage of water wasn't helping the ones that were sick either.
As for Jack and Jill they were very fond of each other. They both had a crush on each other. They had not contracted the flu so they got to be around eachother. Jack’s family had saved water for their family to where if anything happened they would have a supply of food and water if needed. Jill’s family on the other hand had not prepared for such a day.
On one dreary day Jack needed to go get water for his sick family so Jill followed him. They had to go up the big Elmer hill to get the water. Finally they got the water, and all of a sudden Jack screams “Ohhh Nooo the water!!” and tumbles down the big Elmer hill. Jill stops dead in her tracks for a moment and all of a you see Jill tumbling right after Prince Jack.
Authors Note: This story is based on the nursery rhyme “Jack and Jill.” The source for my story or nursery rhyme is, The Nursery Rhyme Book, edited by Andrew Lang and illustrated by L.Leslie Brooke (1987). When I retold the story I made it to where the water was one of the major points in the story since they went to the top of the hill to get the water for all of their family and friends who had the flu.
I loved how you made Jack and Jill a prince and princess in the Land of Elmer (cute name!). I thought it was interesting that you chose to have water scarcity and the flu as the main problem in the story, driving Jack and Jill up the hill to get some water. But I thought the story was creative and well-written. The characters had their own sense of personalities and the story as a whole was interesting and cohesive. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI liked that you made Jack a prince since he has a crown in the nursery rhyme. It was really creative to tie in the flu with your story. And no rain for half a year sounds pretty rough too. Did Jill trip Jack, but then immediately regret her decision and jump after him? I have questions that need answered! That’s just what I pictured haha. Great job on your story it was very creative.
ReplyDeleteFirstly, I really enjoyed this story because the nursery rhyme always seemed a little strange. Why were they going up the hill in the first place? How did Jack and Jill even know each other? Questions like these always wander through a reader’s mind so the elaboration on such a popular nursery rhyme was a great choice.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I wish there was more detail. For example, describing Elmer and maybe a little history of this land. Was it previously thriving? Or has this disaster been a problem before?
Also, I wish you would have elaborated on the story of Jack and Jill. They obviously have history together given that they both have a crush on each other however that history is not motioned and I think it would have been a great addition to the story. (Possibly through internal dialogue?)
Lastly, the paragraph structure is a little choppy. Flowing, combined sentences would add to the “dreamy” character of the fairytale-like story telling.
Overall, I really enjoyed this piece. It was very entertaining, and with a little editing I think It would be a near- perfect story.